


How I Met Your Mother

by d0g-bless (d0gbless)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Alcoholism, Dysfunctional Family, Family Secrets, Galra!Keith, Gen, Keith's father has a drinking problem, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other, Texan!Keith, actually his dad has a LOT of problems, but it took on a life of its own, this was supposed to be a shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 19:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10342722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0gbless/pseuds/d0g-bless
Summary: In which Keith asks his father three questions about his mother: “How’d you ‘n Mom meet? What did she look like? Why did she leave us?” and ends up with more questions and concerns than answers.Alternatively: Mr. Kogane thanks the stars above he pulled his eight-year-old son out of the school's basic sex ed program. (God Bless America and its stellar public school system.)





	

Eight-year-old Keith Kogane had quite the reputation amongst the locals. Being the bastard son of the unmarried hermit who only went outside to go to the bar or buy groceries was the best way to draw attention in a tiny Christian town in Texas.

It wasn’t wanted attention.

He’d gotten into another scuffle at school. The principal told him to go home early. Of course, his dad hadn’t answered the school’s phone call for him. His teacher told him to stay put until his dad came to pick him up, but the principal had told him to go.

The principal was more powerful than his teacher, Keith reasoned. Once the nurse finished bandaging up his scraped knees, he ran (limped) out of the building.

No one stopped him.

Naturally, word spread quickly in a small town. It started when Ol’ Man Jenkins had seen a school-aged kid with bandaged knees hobbling by his house. He told his neighbor, the sweet widow Mrs. Robinson (whom he didn’t harbor any feelings for at all). Then the well-meaning town gossip Ms. Clarke heard it from Mrs. Robinson who heard it from Ol’ Man Jenkins. And of course Ms. Clarke’s friends heard it from her.

It took less than twenty minutes for the news to reach the bar.

“Ey, Kogane. Mr. Kogane, did y’hear?” the bartender shook the snoring man’s shoulder.

“Did I ‘ear wha-?” He mumbled.

“Your son’s been seen walking ‘round town.”

Mr. Kogane grunted. “Put it on m’tab. ‘D’better go’n’get ‘em.”

With a sigh and shake of his head, the bartender scribbled down what the man owed on a sheet of paper and threw it in a note-filled drawer labeled with a yellow sticky note: “Mr. Kogane’s tab.”

* * *

 

“Dad?” Keith hollered. “Dad, I’m home!”

The Koganes lived in a one-room house. But to call it a house was kind. Realistically, it was a shack. Regardless of its size, it was home. And nothing would ever change that for Keith or his father.

The sand-dusted floorboards creaked beneath Mr. Kogane’s lumbering, uneven steps. “Why ain’t you in school, Keith?” He lowered himself so he could make eye contact with his son.

Keith wrinkled his nose at the smell of whiskey on his father’s breath. It smelled gross, but it also smelled like his father. A good smell. “Principal told me to git outta there.”

Mr. Kogane’s eyes softened with understanding. “Another fight? Did ya win?”

He shook his head. “No. I… I was winning til they started talkin’ bout Mom.” He looked up, expecting to see his father wince at her mention. But instead, Mr. Kogane shook his head and sighed. “When’re you gonna tell me ‘bout her, Dad?”

“What do ya wanna know?”

“How’d you ‘n Mom meet? What did she look like? Why did she leave us?”

Mr. Kogane coughed. “Ya really wanna know?”

Keith nodded eagerly.

“Well, I s’pose yer ol’ enough to know ‘bout how we met ‘n the circumstances ‘bout how you came into existence.”

“The smartest person in my class says it’s called ‘sex.’ But what is sex? How does it work?”

“First of all, that kid’s wrong,” Mr. Kogane said, thanking the stars above he pulled his son out of traditional sex ed. “It’s called yiffing. But yeah, yiffing’s how you were created. I’ll get into those details later.

“I met yer mom at a very special place eight years ago. It’s one of the greatest, biggest get-togethers in the world for a special group of people. It was a wild night, let me tell ya. I was absolutely wasted, havin’ the time of my life. You’d think i’d be gambling in Vegas, but naw. I was livin’ it up in Reno, Nevada, at a furry convention. World’s third largest, apparently.”

“Dad, what’s a furry?”

Mr. Kogane either ignored Keith’s question, pretended not to hear it, or didn’t hear it. “But then, I saw her. This gorgeous, fluffy purple beast, dressed in this tight, black getup and glowing luminescent purple. O’course yer mom is human, I have no doubts about that. But I dunno what your mother looked like beneath her suit, but let me tell you a thing, kiddo, that was the best goshdamned fursuit sex I ever had.”

“I thought it was called yiffing, not sex.”

“Dammit, Keith, I know what I said. But yeah, what a night that was. I was fuckin’ shitfaced and _yiffing_  like crazy. The sounds your mother made… they were inhuman. Absolutely fucking gorgeous. Nothing like it.

“Next morning, I wake up with the worst hangover, and she’s gone. A few months later, _bam!_  You’re on my doorstep, screamin’ n’ cryin’ those lil’ lungs out.”

“You sure that was _my_  mom?”

“Yeah. I didn’t see her face, but I did see her eyes.” His broad shoulders heaved as he sighed. “Just like yours, Keith.”

* * *

“And that is the story of how my parents met!” Lance proclaims. “Hey, Keith, how’d _your_  parents meet?”

Keith coughs out a nervous laugh. “You know, the normal way every human and Galra couple do.” He swallows.

Hard.

**Author's Note:**

> The concept for this story started with me wondering, "Under what circumstances would Keith's father fuck a giant fluffy purple alien?"
> 
> This was about as realistic of an explanation as I could get.


End file.
